The Miracle in Me

by Brenda Hale - September 20^th 2017

I thought this would be easy to write, not so much. The reason is, I don't want to glorify the sin but only glorify what the Lord has done in my life. I grew up rough living in the ghettos of San Francisco. I began drinking at the age of 9 and by the time I was 14, I was a full blown heroin addict.  I have done probably every narcotic there is but I never could get away from who I had become.

At an early age, I was molested by a family member 13 years older than I and at the age of 11, I was raped by a different family member. I wanted to live with my Dad.  He was good but my Mom used me as a pawn against my Dad. I have said and done things so shameful I could never share. I had some good years. I got clean over and over but couldn't stop. I always drank liquor except for when I was in my coke and heroin moments.

In 2000, I married the most wonderful man.  He was good and loving but as the years went by, I discovered prescription meds pain pills. OxyContin and Xanax were my new friends. I always believed in God and I knew about Jesus. I tried so hard to walk the walk. I wanted the Joy I saw everyone had and I couldn't get it. I would read my bible but it was all jumbled up. I couldn't understand what I was reading. Satan owned me and was determined to keep it that way.

In 2015, I was in the deepest despair with no way out except death. I lost all that I loved. Everyone turned from me and I began cutting my arms up. I weighed almost 300 pounds. I was walking dead. I was just going through the channels but then I heard a preacher doing a prayer.  The preacher said I have hope in God and I don't have to feel shame and pain. And if I had just a mustard seed of faith and was willing, my life could change. I believed it for everyone else. But God could never forgive the wretched person I had become or the things I had done and said. I started watching John Hagee when no one was at home. I was unhinged and afraid.

I made the decision in April of 2015 to trust God and Jesus' healing power. I informed my husband and sons that I was going to go through withdrawal and I made them promise not to call for medical support if it was Gods will for me to live I would. I was drinking a fifth or more a day and I took 180 Zanax a month. I was in bad shape. I was very sick. I had 11 seizures and went into Cardiac arrest. I felt that elephant on my chest and the pain. I cried out for Jesus! He delivered!  Jesus loved me and he wanted me and he saved me.

There is a lot I am leaving out it is just too graphic but am willing to share deeper should anyone like to speak with me. I sought the Lord on my own for 4 months, reading my bible, taking instruction from JH ministries. Then the Lord said for me to go back to Camano Chapel. The day I went, there was no one in the office except for the most beautiful Godly woman, Cathy Clarke. I asked for pastors Mich, Kris or Steve, they weren't there. I said I have had a miraculous healing and rebirth. I shared my story with Cathy and to this day she is my very dearest friend.

I love my church and my church family, but most of all I love Jesus more than anything or anybody.  Now all I want to do is serve the Lord. Now when I look back, the pain I feel in my heart is for my disobedience and the way I mocked God by breaking every commandment. Never again will I turn from the Lord. He made me new! I have my husband back and from watching the miracle the Lord has done in my life, he is a follower of Jesus. My sons believe and they watch closely. My health and life have been restored to measures I never dreamed, thank you Jesus, to my Pastors and Women's Ministries for all the awesome bible studies. Thank You to our music ministry where my tears flowed freely during worship, you all rock!